French Dis-Connection

I’ve never been one to judge someone based on their race, religion, beliefs, heritage or background – being of mixed races myself – however, when you use it as an excuse for your lack of tact, to be offensive and to give back handed compliments, I am pretty sure a slap to your face is the same in all cultures.

I received a text message from someone who I gave my number to almost a year ago. I am not sure why all of a sudden the impulse to message me, but there it was……”Hello, it’s E, would you like to meet for a glass of wine”?”  At first this sounded pretty innocent and I was a little curious. However, after having to reschedule due to school, his messages got progressively offensive.

“If you are not consistent, it tells me that you are unreliable and confused.” First of all dickface, you are lucky I initially agreed to meet up with you in the first place. Second of all, school and work will always trump any boys, any day, all day long. Putting school as first priority does NOT make me unreliable or confused – it just means that you are less important.

“Oh no, I mean no offense. Please be nice, I am foreign.” Bitch, please! Who the fuck uses that as an excuse? I mean, I am sure that I could pull that same bullshit as my parents are foreign as well. Not sure why I gave in, but I did decide to meet up with him to see if the messages were just lost in translation in comparison to his real life persona.

I get to the restaurant (on time I might add) only to be sitting around for 10 minutes as he is late. I also made sure that he knew of my displeasure when he arrived. Ugh! Luckily I had a cocktail to calm my irritated nerves a bit, but it didn’t stop me trying to dig at him for his tardiness.  The remainder of the night went surprisingly well as I got to learn about how he grew up in Paris and his family is from the Caribbean Islands. It was very interesting hearing about his culture, his travels and his experiences.

It was the messages that occurred days after that were douche level. E attempted to make plans with me for Thanksgiving. A bit weird as I barely knew him and I didn’t want to invite him to my upcoming shindig. I replied with my reasons as far as being with my friends and having plans for that night and Black Friday.

His message the next day was pathetic, “I was thinking about inviting you over for wine, but you’re gonna discourage the thought.” Now how do I respond to that? Well, I didn’t…..as I was hungover and passed out on my couch. An hour later, he sends me the following douche message, “Thanks for not responding. I’ve liked you since last year, but you act a bit too white. I wish you were more simple.” WTFUCK! Now he’s got my attention and how I wish he was in front of me so that I could punch him in his fucking face! I did the next best thing and took the high road.

“E. I was busy and not near my phone. After your racist comment, I do not think we’d get along, nor do I think we are on the same page. Thanks again for the drinks the other night and good luck.” Oh lord, that just unleashed epic novels messaged to me in even more offensive ways.  His explanation was that he wished I was more Asian and that I made him wait over a year to meet up and maybe if he was White that I wouldn’t be treating him less important because he is Black. Let’s back it up here, all that know me know that I love the “honey dips” like none other, so for him to go off and blame this “hardship” on race is beyond me.

Also, how can you like someone for over a year that you don’t even know? That just makes you sound like a creepy stalker. I am not sure how things are done in Europe, but I can tell you one thing – if you are so worldly, why do you have to bring race into the picture? That made me the angriest. Accusing me of things that relate to culture or color as an excuse to cover up your own securities. Get over it and grow the fuck up.

Lesson learned. Douche via text = douche in real life. Asshole.

 

Unknowns Are Still Unknown

I have had more than my fair share of horrific dates and have been the one to call bullshit and walk away with my head held high for obvious reasons such as:

  • The dude shows up in dad jeans
    • Dad jeans (high-rise, tight ankles and light washed) are really distracting with hiking shoes when I am clearly dressed to the nines.
  • The dude lacks aspiration in his career and life goals
  • The classic where the dude still lives with his mom
    • Dude is in his 30’s and living at home by choice, has zero debt, and I am pretty sure his mom still does his laundry and packs his lunches.
  • Trying to sleep with me on the first date

These are just a few of my top “deal breakers” that I thought I’d share because….COME ON!!!

I must admit that I have also been on the other side of things where I thought a connection was made and down the road we simply just stopped talking altogether.  Clearly a WTFUCK?! moment.  At this stage in the game, I really don’t have the time or energy to deal.

From past experiences I have had, it goes one of two ways:

  • Because I don’t put out
  • Or post-intimacy awkwardness

To me, I’d rather know things upfront such is the case if their intentions are just looking for a POA, then so be it. This way, I know what I am dealing with and can decide to either proceed or ditch them.

Or, if they aren’t even on the same page as me:  hung up on an ex, wishy-washy, freshly new to the dating game (cuz who wants to be a rebound?), or a serial dater.

Just fucking say SOMETHING! It’s not that hard to come clean about your status. I am not sure if this is just related to the Midwestern concept of being passive-aggressive, or if the dudes are just fucking cowards.

Whatever the case may be, this creates a seed of anger that just stews in me due to the lack of decency to provide a response or excuse for ending a situation. Grow some balls BITCH! I could always chalk it up to an ego-blow, no big deal, but then they should be prepared for any future encounters with a side of smart ass.  See recent encounter below:

Scenario – pub crawl work event

Stop #2 – at Irish bar where OKC boy from a year ago works

Him:      Oh Hi! How are you?

Me:        Fine.

Him:      Nice to see you. Hey we should connect again….

Me:        <insert rolling eyes > and walk out of the bar

Are you kidding me?! You had your chance BETCH!

 

 

Article, “17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own”

OCTOBER 9, 2014
17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own
Kovie Biakolo 294 Comments 3.1m 294

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way.

5. Expect her to be stubborn, to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. Don’t always give in to her, but do let her win sometimes.

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself.

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.

9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it.

11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps.

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words.

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before.

17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever. (TC mark).

Featured image – Pride And Prejudice

For those that know me, I’ve previously posted this link in my social media along with an explanation that this article not only hits home, but every single numbered thought was applicable to me. It was eerie having seen these points written out and knowing that it explained me to the core.

I definitely felt vulnerable as I was reading this article, but at the same time relieved that someone was able to put this piece together that not only helped me to understand myself, but to help others understand me. I think that some of these points could also apply to my social life in regards to my friends and family.

To those out there who are independent, continue to be yourself and never settle for anything less than you deserve. Although I may write about my unsuccessful dates or horrible online encounters, I do believe that you shouldn’t compromise yourself in order to make something work.

Be you, do you and the right person will come along at the right time.