The 4 “A’s” of Deal Breakers

Now I am sure that I have touched on a few of my “deal breakers” in previous posts, but I recently went on a date and at the end I was shaking my head as to what the hell guys think that is appropriate attire to wear on a first date.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a total asshole. Sometimes certain activities/events require proper gear or clothing, but if you are on a first date at a nice restaurant, take some fucking time to pull yourself together, make the effort and dress to impress!! I mean, after all…I took an hour + to get ready to make sure my makeup was perfect, hair done up and my clothing and accessories were matching appropriately.

This brings me to the first “A” of deal breakers:

Attire – Don’ts:

  • Athletic Look
    • T-shirt, jeans, complete with running shoes.
  • Outdoorsy Look
    • Fleece jacket, thermal shirt, dad-jeans, and hiking boots.
  • Rock Climbing Look
    • 1990’s plaid, button-up shirt tucked into light-khaki, twill cargo pants, complete with toe shoes (look it up online). WTFuck!!!
  • Beach Look
    • Douchey t-shirt, cargo shorts and flip-flops.
  • Camping Look
    • Hoodie, jeans, and skater shoes.

Like I said, normally when the activity calls for it, I don’t mind any of the looks above, but on a first date at a restaurant/coffee shop/bar, at least put some effort into it. Don’t arrive as if you just got off your couch; or just got done hiking a mountain; or just finished climbing an indoor rock wall; or just returned from camping or the beach. Seriously. You probably didn’t. If you did, then get your shit together and change your damn clothes!

Attitude – Don’ts

A great attitude can go a really long way. We all have our bad days and I have had to double up on shots just to get through dates when the following occurs:

  • Self-centered
    • Talking about yourself the entire date without equal parts of engaging conversation will have me thinking about other things and nodding ‘yes’ and commenting during appropriate times of your I will finally end up saying something like, “Are you done talking about yourself, yet?”
  • Arrogant
    • Coming off as if your materials things are going to impress me first, rather than you. This tells me one thing; you must be insecure about yourself, so you must talk about your wealth, looks or accomplishments. Sure. We all need to impress, but boasting about it instead of being humble about it is a sure way for me to say something like, “Oh! That’s…nice” with the most plastic, fakest smile. I don’t have a poker face, so my unimpressed look usually kills it on the spot.

Age – Parameters

Sigh, this is a tricky one. I have been known to be slightly age-ist when agreeing to meet men for dates. I try to stick with the 5 years +/- as you never know someone’s maturity level until you get to know them.

The following ranges are just unacceptable:

  • 22-25
    • This age bracket usually contacts me and thinks they have something to offer. Seriously, what have you done with your life? Graduate college? Ok. Perhaps experience love, get your career started and when you are done with partying with your friends – call me in 8 years, better yet, have your older brother call me – today. Thanks!
  • 45+
    • No. This end of the spectrum of men contacting me that is flat out disgusting. First of all, they look old enough to be my father or grandfather. Second of all, we are on the wrong page as far as starting a family goes. Not trying to be a grandmother before I am a mother. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Availability – Too much/too little

Ahhh…the ultimate deal breaker. You cannot get to know someone who doesn’t carve out time to get to know you. Priorities, betch!

See the bullshit below for “red flags”:

  • 24/7
    • This stage 5 clinger has too much time on their hands and needs to find a life outside of being needy. Although, at first it’s cute that they want to spend a ton of time with you, it starts to wane on your patience when they act like a total bitch when you are unable to arrange your schedule to be with them 7 out of 7 days a week. Good gawd! GMTFO! This is too much. I like my space and this – I can’t even handle.
  • 7-10 days
    • This fucker thinks that meeting up to spend time every 7-10 days is valid. This is a sure way to allow something to linger, but not really committing. Plus, it feels like the first date again for me every 7-10 days. Square 1 on repeat. On a never ending repeat. Leading to – wasting my time. Bitch, please!

 

Just a little ditty about the deal breakers in my book. If you experience any of these moments, make sure you end on a high note – flick them off and don’t look back.

 

 

To Meet or Not To Meet

After subjecting myself to the online dating world for a while, I have noticed that there are a handful of distinct approaches on how a guy will initiate a date:

• Those who ask you out to dinner (preferred)
• Those that ask you to meet up for coffee/cocktails (I call this the “meet and greet)
• Those that ask you to “hang out” (WTFuck, am I one of your buddies?)
• Crazy requests (douche bags)

The “Classic” – This guy will usually email back and forth to gain some insight as to my favorite places to eat, activities/hobbies, and will ask questions to gauge interest. Typically this communication lasts anywhere between 1-3 weeks before he asks me out on a date. This person tends to be a planner, will have reservations made at a venue, activities planned for before/after, and has offered to pick me up (yep, just like the good old days).

This type of interaction is definitely preferred in my world as I like to take my time to get to know someone via online before I decide to peel myself away from my heavy social schedule in order to meet them. Personally, I don’t mind the pen-pal mode for a short stint, but they will most likely lose my interest if they aren’t responsive in a timely manner. Sporadic responses = I’m bored, and I have moved on. NEXT!

The “Cautious” – This guy will also take time to email back and forth for a short while to gain minimal insight, but would sooner rather than later meet up for coffee/cocktail. This person will normally ask to meet at a venue that is common ground for the both of us so that we are in a comfortable environment. This quick meet up gives each of us the opportunity to split, should the “meet” turn out to be horrible or dis-interesting. Playing it safe = Not wasting my time.

I don’t mind this approach, but I also can’t drink coffee after a certain time of day due to the caffeine turning me into a crazy, super hyper person with a high body temp. Most of the time we agree to meet up at a venue that is during Happy Hour and do our best to get through the social awkwardness in hopes to appear relaxed and carefree. It is quite tough to try to gauge someone’s interest and qualities on a first meet, especially over cocktails as you both are playing the “too cool to give away too much information”, while simultaneously trying to figure out the other person’s intentions and interest level. This is a lot of work on-the-spot and having to tap into my spidey-senses. So either this person needs to grab my attention with just a few words, or it’s a no-go.

The “Non-committal” – This guy will send a few quick messages back and forth. Very generic, somewhat interesting, but then asks to “hang out.” WTFuck! I am not one of your “buddies” that you ask to hang out and play video games with or shoot hoops. This person immediately gets sorted into the “friend zone” and there is no way out of that category. This is up in the air as I seem to be attracted to the carefree, free-spirited, creative people, who can’t seem to make up their mind as to what their goals and aspirations are, which then leads to their indecisiveness about relationships. These people are definitely a struggle for me to say “no” to, as most of them are fairly attractive, but their profile status shows “Casual/No Commitment.” Fuck that! HUGE red flag!!

The “Creep” – This guy will message you weird, crazy shit such like, “Would you like to go bungee jumping with me one day?” or, “Would you like to go boating this weekend?” after emailing a few times back and forth. Or the, “I could come over to your place and cuddle?” when you’ve never even met the person. The other classic, “Wanna bang?”

These requests are all FUCKING CREEPY! Who in their right mind would say “yes” to these propositions after just a few simple conversations or even at all? Seriously, does this work on anyone? Way to make yourself look like a creepy stalker with every intention of kidnapping me and chopping me up into little pieces, to never be heard of again.

Perhaps I should start a service for guys on how to interact with ladies online as well as in person. Or I could play devil’s advocate and screen ladies for men who have no clue what type of girls that they are getting into, should avoid or keep. 🙂

This could be a real thing you guys! Like the online ad person who started their business by offering their cuddling services.

Food for thought.

Don’t steal my ideas.