2018 – Honeymoon Excursion: Chichén Itzá

Second half of trip continued from blog labeled, “2018 – Honeymoon Resort Review: Riviera Maya”. Trip taken: January 2018.

My Montezuma’s Revenge occurred on the second day of our trip (which sidelined me for 3 days), and left us with just enough time to do only one excursion. 🙁 We carefully chose Chichén Itzá to appease our inner history nerd selves as well as the site being duly noted “One of the 7 Wonders of the World.”

At 7am, we started off our 2 hour journey in a jam-packed mini-van along with 6 other tourists. During those few hours in the van, we passed several pover-ish cities, miles of thick jungle, and mass quantities of stray dogs. About halfway through our trip, our first rest stop was at a store/gift shop where we could stretch; buy snacks, food, and gifts. Roaming the storefront grounds was a mama dog that looked like she had just recently gave birth, however no puppies were in sight. THANK GAWD! Who doesn’t love puppies?! She had saddest eyes and looked half starved for food AND attention. ARGH! Tearing at my heartstrings…and cue the ASPCA somber music and pictures of dismal looking dogs. Ugh. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

After about a 30 minute rest, we all piled back into the mini-van and continued our last hour of travel to Chichén Itzá. Upon arrival we were given one rule, “Meet back at the van at 2pm. If you are late, we are leaving without you.” OK then! I know “I” don’t want to be homeless in Mexico. Not gonna lie, I kinda felt like a kid on a school trip with our guides (chaperones) doling out snacks, giving us rules, handing out water, and asking us to “stay together” as we walked towards the entrance. Since we had to enter together as per our ticket reservation, our guides corralled us like cattle and continued to remind us of our strict timeline to meet back at the van at 2pm. Being Type A, of course I set an alarm on my phone for 1pm so that we had plenty of time to trek back to the meet up spot. I for sure was not about to live like the Maya and test my non-existent nature skills.

Once inside the gate we received a map similar to the one pictured below which will give you an idea of how vast the area was! I will cover the grounds in sections to stay organized (both you and me!). In the short video clip below, panning from left (Juego de Pelota) to right (Castillo) – this was only 1/8 of the entire property!

Our first task was to fight our way past the artisans who lined the walkway, trying to grab our attention by incessantly blowing their jaguar whistles in our faces and yelling, “Cheap, cheap…almost free,” while pointing at their goods and trinkets. Once through the peer pressure environment, we took a left and headed towards our first attraction, the Maya Ball Game Court. This was where the oldest and ruthless traditional team sport called “Juego de Pelota” was played.

This is loosely translated to the “Maya ball game” and was considered an ancient, sacred ceremony performed to resolve conflict and to promote victory of the sun over the night. It’s been rumored that there was a human sacrifice at the end of the game, but there is no record as to which team/individual was sacrificed – the winner or the loser.

The layout consisted of a long, rectangular field with sloping walls on the long length sides. The shape of the field was similar to an “I” and had stone hoops attached to the top of each long length side. The object of the game was to pass a rubber ball through these hoops by bouncing the ball to each other using only hips, thighs, head, and upper-arms. I would say, similar to soccer, but with a death match element. Wonder what those penalties were like! EEK! No hands, ma!

The backside of the court had a crumbling, sloped, rocky surface with a border shaped like a serpent’s back. We learned that the Maya mythology regards snakes as both a religious and social symbol. The snake shedding was symbolism for rebirth and renewal. They also believed that the snake was the gateway to communicate with gods and ancestors.

Our second stop was a short walk just past the backside of the court, where we slowed to admire the creepy Tzompontli (the wall of skulls) which prominently displayed the skulls of prisoners and enemies that were sacrificed. If you look closely, you will notice eagle and snakes embedded in this structure. Apparently this was meant to scare and freak out the enemy. Job well done! I scurried past this wall and quickly headed to the Jaguar Temple so I wouldn’t have nightmares later.

Our third stop was just across from the skull wall called the Jaguar Temple. This was located in the Southeast corner of Juego de Pelota and looking over the, “Ball Court”. This structure was speculated to be one of the first built platforms of Juego de Pelota. We were told that there’s an entrance located in the lower level of this temple that feeds into the main arena, as well as a staircase that leads up to the second level. There were barriers placed at the entrance to stop curious people like me from snooping around and possibly fall to my death. A drone would have been handy about now.

After taking a sharp left, we arrived at our fourth stop which was the Venus Platform. This serpent guarded structure was 83ft square, stairs on all sides, with side panels of art that were a combination of human, serpent, eagle and jaguar. This platform was used to track Venus (the planet) and to create the Mayan ritual and agricultural calendar. The stage portion of the platform was designed for public viewing – possibly for speeches, rituals or dance.

Our fifth stop – Table Temple, was just a short walk east of the Venus Platform. This structure got its name by the stacked “table” like formation of each level. The two-column temple rests atop of the fourth platform. This is basically a mini version of the, Los Guerreros Temple (Temple of Warriors) located next door.

The sixth stop – Los Guererros (Temple of Warriors), was a massive structure built over an older structure complete with a large scale temple at the very top. The plaza portion of this structure has over 200 carved columns of warriors and we were told that there were even a few women warriors among them. This plaza, Mil Columnas, was dubbed, “Plaza of A Thousand Columns.” To give you perspective on size, in the aerial photo below, the Table Temple is to the left of the Temple of Warriors. DAYUMMMM!

Seventh stop – House of Deer, or commonly known as the Deer Temple, has seen better days. This structure was named Deer Temple for the carved deer that was found inside upon first exploration. The carving has since disappeared, but the nickname has remained.

Eighth stop – The Casa Colorada (Red House) got its name from traces of red paint found on the inner walls of this structure. It is believed that this used to house royalty and has one of the best preserved carvings inside depicting a Mayan date correlating to 869 AD.

Ninth stop – El Caracol (Snail) contains an internal winding, snail-like staircase located in the central tower for which it was named after. There are several plotted points on this structure which have been identified that align with Venus, as well as the summer solstice sunrise and the winter solstice sunset which align with the northeast and southwest corners of a staircase. This site has been dubbed the OG observatory and from atop of the tower, the views of the sky are unobstructed and perfect for stargazing.

10th stop – La Iglesia (The Church). This is known to be one of the oldest buildings on site and is adorned with Chac god masks with hooked noses, a crab, a tortoise, an armadillo, and snail. This building was named the Church by early explorers as it was next door to set of buildings called the Nunnery.

11th stop – Las Monjas (the Nunnery) is a complex of three structures located in the very SW corner of Chichén Itzá. The name of “Nunnery” was given to the site by explorers due to similarities to a monastery. Archaeologists believe that this was instead a royal palace. Within these buildings there are carvings that depict events occurring around 880 A.D.

12th stop – Temple of Kukulkan or El Castillo (Castle) is located in the center of Chichén Itzá as well as the most well-known landmark. Appropriately named one of the “Seven Wonders of the World”. The Maya were math geniuses and expert scientists and the Temple of Kukulkan was a perfect example of blending both subjects.

Each of the four sides has 91 steps which, when added together and including the temple platform, equals 365 – which are the total days of the solar year. If each of the nine terraces are divided in two (which makes 18) this equals the same number of months in the Maya calendar. The total terrace panels equals 52, which is the 52-year cycle when both the solar and religious calendars converge. #MathIsNotHard

Fun fact #1: During the spring and autumn equinoxes, at the rising and setting of the sun, the corner of the pyramid casts a shadow in the shape of a snake, representing the god Quetzalcoatl (feathered snake). As the sun moves, the serpent appears to slowly move down the pyramid.

Fun fact #2: When you stand in front of the very center of the steps to the pyramid and clap your hands, the acoustics coming from the top of the pyramid sound like a bird’s cry (the quetzal, a Central American bird) that ancient Maya people believed was a messenger of the gods.

13th stop – Sagrado Cenote (The Sacred Cenote) is located north of the Temple of Kukulkan by way of the Ceremonial walkway. A cenote is a natural sinkhole which was the only water source for the Maya on the Yucatan peninsula. At the bottom of this creepy AF cenote the following were found: shells, rubber, copal, copper, incense, gold, jade, pottery, turquoise, obsidian, and bones of AT LEAST around 200 women, children and men. It is said that humans were sacrificed during drought seasons to appease their gods.

This entire site was built with the purpose of religion, culture, math, science, mythology and symbolism. Everything was connected in some way to the above including: the sun, stars, planets and then connecting back below on earth including: animals, water, nature and people. Life was truly simple ages ago but at the same time, ruthless. I am still left wondering who WAS sacrificed after the Juego de Pelota ball game – the winner or loser?!

Guess I’ll never know!

Due to my sickness cutting into our excursion time, I was unable to see/do the following (womp, womp).

  1. Tulum Ruins
  2. Coba Ruins
  3. Cenote snorkeling
  4. Jungle zip lining

Hasta la vista, Mexico! I’ll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.


2018 – Honeymoon Resort Review: Riviera Maya

This lengthy blog covers our summation of the fancy, schmancy hotel that we had the privilege to stay at this past January (2018) on our belated honeymoon. When I asked my travel agent, Pam, to “level up” and find us an all-inclusive trip that was a step up from what I normally book for myself, she definitely delivered!

Why do I use a travel agent you ask? For one, I prefer to work with someone who has personally visited sites so that I can interrogate them with my hundred questions about the pools, beaches, food quality, the staff, and nearby attractions and adventures. Even after experiencing my boujee ways for the first time 3 years ago, Pam still continues to expertly match me with perfect vacations without fail. Her knowledge, experience and patience are the epitome of what an amazing travel agent should be.

Trust me, having someone else do all the leg work on research saved me from anxiety as well as from spending a shit-ton of time and countless hours reading yelp reviews, travel blogs, and travel websites. No thanks! Not to mention, this also prevented me from accidentally booking an outrageously expensive Groupon vacation while under the consumption of mass amounts of libations at/or post happy hour(s). No one has time for that! I mean…not that I’ve done it before or anything. o_O (P.S. I’ve since deleted the app from my phone so that I am not tempted…again.)

Back to our hotel – which was about one hour South of Cancun, and as I mentioned in my last blog, “In Sickness and in Health…‘til Sunburn Do Us Part”, we booked a direct rideshare van. Only the BEST.VAN.EVER! We were VIP all the way and had the van all to ourselves! Our driver was so chill, in fact, he offered to pull over at a mini-mart after asking if we wanted some local brew to guzzle down during our long car ride to our hotel. Hell yeah! This is how you start a vacation! Cold brewskies + blasting AC = distraction from the crazy driving.

Once outside the city limits and on the main freeway, which I’ve dubbed “hotel row”, the scenery went from big city hubbub to hotel front, after hotel front, after hotel front. Some entrances were as simple as wrought iron gates, or stone archways, while others were adorned with colorful designs of Mayan art. The most memorable entrance I saw had a massive water fountain wall display that was at least three stories tall, with a shallow, rectangular pool running the length of the wall. Hotel entrances lined both sides of the freeway and boasted heavily guarded check-in stations where legit credentials were necessary to enter the hotel property. Once inside the perimeter, the two-way road was skirted with vegetation and jungle on either side and was about a 7 minute drive from the entrance gate to the hotel doors. That’s about three Vegas blocks in (that’s about six regular street blocks for those who are not familiar with Vegas).

Upon reaching our fancy five-star, all-inclusive, 8-month old hotel, we were promptly greeted by extremely attentive, energetic bell boys who graciously took our bags just as we were handed cold hand towels along with refreshing cocktails. Now that’s service! From the moment we stepped through the lobby doors, we felt as if we were honored, royal guests staying at a modern day Mayan palace!

The hotel lobby had a striking, rustic charm, complete with a large central water fountain feature. On the vaulted ceiling, over-sized chandelier lanterns hung from exposed wood beams. The inviting, button-tufted leather sectional situated in the center of the room was surrounded by remnants of Holiday decorations, local art and accent pieces to add to the contemporary impression of the region.

The same look and feel can be seen throughout the common areas of the hotel along with the typical terrazzo (I presume for easy cleanup) as well as rich, warm woods to offset the crisp, hospital look. The front bar area had a very stately look with a menacing jaguar placed directly in the center of the bar counter complete with a sleek row of stools and pendent lighting. This room made you feel as if you should be smoking a cigar and playing a betting game of pool.

Our sleeping room was just as impressive with its modern décor and clean lines. It was equipped with a hydro spa tub conveniently located on the roomy balcony with picturesque panoramic views of the breathtaking OCEAN! Seriously, wow!! The hotel staff were also top notch and at our service 25/8. Our room was replenished multiple times on the daily with unlimited snacks, beverages and alcohol. Our snack basket was filled to the brim with the Mexican versions of chips, chocolate, pistachios, granola bars, etc. The refrigerator was also well stocked with water, local beer and soda. The liquor cabinet was continuously filled with wine, local tequila, vodka and rum. All included. ALL.DAY.LONG. #partytime

Since our vacation timing was post-Holidays and pre-Spring Break, our fellow hotel guests were an extremely quiet bunch with ages ranging between 40s to 50s. So quiet in fact that I labeled our three pools – quiet, quieter and quietest. I realized how boring everyone was when I saw an inflatable water volleyball court set up in the “quiet” pool where ZERO people played and ZERO people showed interested in anything but lying on lounge beds or chairs the entire week we were there. W.T.F. I wasn’t expecting a “girls gone wild” scenario, just some healthy competition or some form of sports exercise. Even though this made for very relaxing pool and beach time without the constant chatter and annoying, drunk kids to shoot the look of death at, alas it was still killing me inside. I prefer my vacations to be a healthy mix of being active and relaxation. This bunch wasn’t giving me the active portion I craved. Le sigh. :/ On the bright side, this really forced me to slow down and chill TF out.

Next up – FOOD! The hotel offered five versatile, upscale restaurants onsite which included the following cuisines: Italian, Yucatecan, Japanese, American fare and a café. The hotel also had 24/7 room service and the restaurants all kept late hours in which the café overlapped during odd hours so that you weren’t left starving in-between seatings. In addition to the restaurants and the café, they had an outdoor firebrick-oven restaurant near the pool area, where they offered made-to-order pizzas and tacos. So many tasty options!! None of this $8 half-can of Pringles or stashing sandwiches mid-day for this girl! Been there, done that.

That Mayan palace vibe continued throughout the hotel grounds and were just as jaw dropping on the outside as was the inside! From the beautifully landscaped terrace, to the natural trees and shrubs edging the hotel property, to the light and airy look and feel of the hotel’s architecture and layout. This made you feel as if time had slowed down. Where the sun clung to the clouds just a little longer, as if you were gifted an extra hour of relaxation in your day. There were no schedules, no commitments , no appointments or phone calls to make. Just you, the beach the sun and the ocean. Aaaaaahhhhhh…

Aside from the impressive lobby, spacious sleeping room, multiple pools, the variety of restaurants and the gorgeous grounds, the best feature in my opinion, was the MF BEACH! Our resort was nestled between an empty lot and another hotel which in turn made it expansive and underpopulated. The sand was soft and clean of debris (except for that fucking sharp shell!) and the water was sea-green and free of kelp. It was magazine perfect and postcard worthy. According to the locals, the weather was a bit “cold” while we were there. HA! Did they say cold? I would gladly take the 75-81 degree weather ANY DAY compared to the current (at that time) -10 with wind chill back home. They couldn’t even fathom that thought when we tried to explain it. The best I could do was say to picture Alaska for a visual and then know that if you went outside for 5 minutes with skin exposed, you’d die. How’s that for being dramatic!

The hotel was equipped with idiot staff to book off-site excursions and adventures as well as an on-site spa! Due to being extremely ill, we ended up with only a one day excursion and one day of relaxation. My relaxation included a half a day at the spa, while hubby’s comprised of a day on the golf course. Since he only took one picture and his ride was late, there wasn’t much of a story there, so I’ll just go ahead and tell you all about my spa day!

My spa experience started off with checking-in with the front desk and heading back to the women’s changing room to store my belongings in a locker. The terry cloth robe provided was EXTRA soft and fluffy, with pockets for my locker key and phone. They also brandished rubber sandal slides to use throughout my spa visit. With minimal Spanish/English translation and hand signals, I was led to a shower unit where I was to receive my tantalizing warm, steam shower. Little did I know that within the broken Spanish/English communication and hand signals back and forth between the spa employee and I, that at the end of my warm-hug shower was a shockingly COLD rinse! WTF! Not sure if that was to “close” my pores or to wake me up for the next step in my spa service. DAYUM GIRL! I wish I had understood what was to come as I shrieked with surprise when ice cold fucking water killed my warmth. I quickly exited the shower stall, completely covered in goose bumps and shivering. I looked up to see a few of the other spa occupants smirking in trying to hold back their laughter as they realized that I hadn’t seen that coming, either. Fuck OFF!! Why didn’t they have my back? I should have been warned! I then spotted the large Jacuzzi hot-tub, and rapidly hurried to ease myself into it (without cannon-balling) so I could get to get my body temp back to normal. I waited with glee as the next spa newbie was about to step into the shower unit. 😀 YOYO! You’re On Your Own! Suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Once my body temp was back to normal, I climbed out of the hot-tub and rinsed off in warm water, dried off and relaxed near a salt lamp on a tiled, lounge chair. After a few minutes of quiet rest, a spa employee was ready to take me back to a secondary waiting area, where we passed by lightly swinging, basket weave chairs and stepped into a overly cushioned space with a neutral color scheme for further relaxation. Just beyond the swinging chairs was an outdoor pool area where you can bask in the sun on lounge beds post-massage. Which was exactly what I did a few hours later.

After about 10 minutes of sipping on cucumber water and snacking on a banana, I was then escorted to one of the massage rooms where two therapists awaited to perform a 4-hand massage in tandem for 1 hour. This was the first time I’ve ever experienced this and would gladly do it again! They worked in perfect synchronization to loosen up tension in problematic areas in my neck and back. No weird issues in this massage room! HA! Strictly business, ma’am, strictly business.

My next service was a combination of a full-body exfoliation, wrap, massage and hydrating facial. This 2-hour treatment was located in a larger massage room down the hall which had a massage table, an over-sized shower stall, and a facial steam lamp. My service started out with a regular massage and then followed by two exfoliation scrubs which required you to shower in between. The spa provided a flimsy one-time use bikini tops and bottoms to wear during each exfoliation. The material was basically equivalent to super thick Viva paper towel with ribbed, elastic lining. The top wore like a bandeau while the bottoms were similar to full-coverage underwear. Not cute, but did it’s job. Next up was my facial! So I’ve had a few of these done, but never before had someone taken the time to remove all of my blackheads! OK, well just one in my case. It was pointed out to me that there were a few micro ones on my nose and she expertly took care of a large one on my face that I thought was just a skin irritation from too much sun. Super gross, but super thorough!

Pro-tip: Do not book a massage if you have acquired a sunburn. Especially if you are receiving a full-body exfoliation scrub – otherwise your scrub will feel similar to someone taking a cheese grater to your skin. Just sayin’.

Last but not least was the gorgeous, private lounge area to relax in post-massage. THIS was the best! I was the only one in this oasis for the duration of my time at the spa. It was quiet, serene and I had it all to myself. No sharing necessary. Woot!

All in all, this trip was an amazing 5-star vacation and I so wish I could live at this resort. Starting mornings off on a quiet beach with waves crashing, the sun peeking out through the distant horizon to gradually brighten your day. Better yet, ending your day with unlimited serene sunsets that leave you feeling peaceful, calm and relaxed. That’s the life. Now, who’s ready to vacation?! Let’s GO!

Next up – RIVIERA MAYA EXCURSION! See next blog, this post was turning into a fucking novel!

In Sickness and in Health…‘til Sunburn Do Us Part

Postponing our honeymoon from Fall to January was one of the best adult AF things I did in 2017 (well, aside from saying, “I do”). Chillin’ on a beach in Riviera Maya on hot, sunny, 80º days was waaaaaay better than the -10º, cold tundra back home! HA! Take that suckaaaas!!

Basking in the equator sun, surrounded by blue-green ocean, with never ending food and drinks delivered to my beach chair – THIS.IS.THE.LIFE! Ok, ok…I’m not here to gloat, but as always, I love sharing my experiences from abroad, noting the pros and cons of my trips along with colorful, snarky commentary. In true betchplease fashion, of course there were a few medical situations and drama. Oy vey!

 Well, if anything, my last 2 trips outside the U.S. have taught me a few valuable lessons.

  • Pack light
  • Pack lighter

Although I adhered to my own advice in a previous blog, “MexiCANs & MexiDON’Ts – Parte Uno” with my packing do’s and don’ts, my bags were STILL a tad bit too heavy. UGH! So below I’ve shared some additional packing do’s and don’ts.

Packing Do’s – v2

Pack your suitcase at 35 lbs (50 lb limit noted) – this leaves packing room and weight allowance for souvenirs, liquor, beer, wine, wet clothes and more importantly liquor. Did I mention liquor? It’s very important.

  • Pack a water bottle/thermos – to use at the filtered water stations at airports. This saves you from buying $8 bottled water at the airport. Bitch, please!
  • Medical supplies
    • Band-Aids – mostly because I’m accident prone. True to character, I was minding my own business, walking on the beach heading back to my lounge chair and stepped on a fucking shell! This resulted in a deep cut on the bottom of my foot and a good chunk of skin gone. We then asked the staff for a Band-Aid and he promptly sends over the GD medic! Mexican Baywatch at my service! Minus the red lifesaver buoy. ARGH! I just about died of embarrassment as everyone (I mean EVERYONE…as it was a full, packed beach) stared at me with concern while he handed me a single, measly Band-Aid. Nothing here to see folks. No emergency here, move along. Seriously why do these things happen to me?!
    • Pepto caplets – for when you suffer from Montezuma’s Revenge. I was definitely not prepared for this asshole to enter my system, especially not even one day into our vacation. Sooooooo here goes round two of seeing a young, international Doogie Howser, AGAIN in Mexico and it was just as embarrassing as the last time. Having to provide a detailed description of my Montezuma affects was less than cute, all while profusely sweating non-stop as if I had just ran a fucking marathon! I was the literal meaning of #hotmess.
    • Not to mention a costly $189 USD doctor visit + another $111 USD in meds – CASH ONLY. Insurance better accept my claim.

Packing Don’ts – v2

  • Don’t buy $100 worth of toiletries – totally overpriced and extra. Spending $$$ at a local drugstore prior to even leaving on your trip should not be a thing! For fuck sakes! Be smart (because I sure wasn’t) and buy the following either in the summer or discounted at the end of the season:
    • Sunblock
    • SPF lip balm
    • Bug spray
  • Don’t bring 3 bottles of bug spray – just 1 will suffice. We barely used one. At least we are now mosquito proof for the next 5 years. #zikaprepping
  • Don’t bring bottles of any sort that have a pump mechanism. This will result in an explosion that will cover everything within your Ziploc bag (or in your suitcase if you didn’t pack properly). DERP! Don’t be lazy; use those mini plastic squeeze bottles for lotions, liquids, etc. It’s not like you’ll need to use a family-sized bottle of aloe lotion in 1 week. You really won’t.

Customs –

This time the lines weren’t that bad, and I wasn’t even red-lighted! Yay! However, I was sniffed out by the Mexican airport security and his agriculture canine. As I casually walked by the security dog, he immediately perked up, cranked his neck around, and started to follow me. I thought I was for sure going to get bit! Fuck, I was scared shitless as he was on my heels! After being questioned by the security guy, I apparently I smuggled a banana from the plane in my bag and forgot to ditch it prior to customs. As I was being lectured, the security dog continued to stare me down with those judging eyes, “Dumbass human.”

Security guy says, “NO FRUIT, meats, ham, vegetables, plants, allowed through customs.” For some reason, they really focused on ham. NO HAM! I apologized and gave up my banana and walked away without being arrested. My bad! I risked a look back, just in time to overhear the security guy say to his dog, “Muy Bueno!” Yeah, yeah….very good job dog, good job.

Destination Airport –

Luckily for us, we had zero issues at the airport itself. We avoided eye contact with everyone at all costs and we kept our bags close and closer.

Destination taxi –

For the first time ever I booked a taxi service called “Direct Rideshare”. This service provided a shared, direct taxi to our hotel without any stops for a nominal fee. Lucky for us, we were the only ones in the van – both ways! This not only got us to our hotel quicker as we didn’t have to dick around with all the hotel stops along the way, but we also had the freedom to stop at a convenient store to grab some brews and drink ON the way to our hotel! Startin’ the party early, baby! Highly recommend.

Hotel –

Upon arrival we were treated like royalty. Our hotel just happened to be a new, recently opened, 5-star property with the best of the best staff hired! Not even joking, we even had our own local host which was pretty much our butler and available 24/7. I will be writing a review on this hotel in my following blog.

Check-in and settling into our room was a breeze! I had even booked our excursions, golf and spa through their pre-arrival concierge – as you know me, I have to plan everything out in advance to the last detail. To my defense, this affects our packing and so it had to be done!!

This brings me to the next topic on my list to write about – drama, since I’ve already covered the two medical situations. Womp, womp :/ Drama, drama, drama…why does it follow me everywhere?!

Sooooo remember those excursions and appointments I made pre-arrival? The hotel had staff onsite called Vacation Makers that handle all reservations and bookings for excursions and tours. Due to my Montezuma’s Revenge sickness, I had to move mountains to reschedule my spa day and cancel one excursion without penalty. All that work upfront, but I just didn’t trust myself to hit up an all day excursion located an hour away after being on meds for only 12 hours. What if I had to go #3? Too risky to chance that biznass! No way, too soon!

If that wasn’t enough drama, I’ve got more!

Vacation makers fuck up #1 – the day I was sick, I sent my husband away on his prearranged golf outing which was 20 minutes away. He was scheduled to be picked up at our hotel at 8am for his 9am tee time. Easy-peasy, right? He waited 1 hour for them to get their shit together and figure out that they forgot to pick him up. In return for his troubles, they gave him a 10% discount. Neat.

Vacation makers fuck up #2 – our one and only excursion (also prearranged) for a VIP tour of Chichen Itza was scheduled for pick up at our hotel at 6:30am with a 2.5 hour car ride to our final destination. Guess who forgot to pick us up again? Guess who was in full hulk rage by 6:45am after asking a lazy AF employee where our ride was? After interrogating the Vacation Maker staff regarding the whereabouts of our transportation in my pissed off icy tone, his response of, “Sorry, but their office doesn’t open until 7am,” was not good enough. He then slowly pretended to dust some fucking décor that didn’t need dusting and in turn I almost went ballistic on his ass!! I held my back my rage as we still had a few days left to stay at the hotel. I really didn’t feel like embarrassing myself and being hauled to a Mexican jail and I was positive that my husband wasn’t going to spend our life savings on bailing me out through bribery. Note to self and others – waking up at 5:30am is pre-hulk for me and one should approach me with caution. HA! In return for our troubles, we were able to reschedule the same VIP tour for the very next day at a 50% discount. Neat times 2.

Since we were fully awake at this point, we decided to catch the sunrise on the beach which occurred around 7:15am. We were able to set up camp with our pick of front row lounge chairs just in time to watch the gorgeousness rise above the horizon and shine its bright rays across the lapping waves. This was such a peaceful atmosphere and it instantly calmed me down as I sat and reveled in the awesomeness of this star.

In the end, the hotel, staff, amazing food and drinks made up for our little mishaps. It also wouldn’t be a normal trip for me if something didn’t go awry or as planned! 🙂


You’re Dead to Me.

Wow, it sure has been awhile! I had to take some time off to plan my wedding! Hopefully I can get my shit together and blog more consistently to share my random, personal, ridiculous, vulnerable, comical, shocking, crazy stories with all of you! HA! Believe me; shit STILL happens to me ALL THE TIME! I constantly shake my head and say, “Are you fucking kidding me?!” or “What the fuck?!” which seems to be my daily chant.

As long as I can remember, I’ve always had a very cutthroat attitude when it comes to trust and relationships – the kind where once you do me wrong, my forgiveness is out the window. This applies to many types of relationships across the board: friends, family, romantic, coworkers, etc. Once that sacred trust is broken, my kindness taken for granted, or my love manipulated and discarded… you can never get it back, ever.

You’re dead to me.

I suppose this hardened approach stems from my fucked up childhood where love (psychological) and basic needs were split between two homes. In my main home, all of my basic needs were met (food/shelter), but this came with a heavy price – the many, MANY years of almost daily mental and physical abuse. While in my weekend home, was the love and care that I was missing 5 out of the 7 days of the week. As you just read, “was” is italicized as that too eventually became broken. This quick excerpt into my past is a preface to my current state and serves as an explanation as to how I operate.

I may sound cynical here, but this cliché is true; during the worst times of your life (or when monumental events occur) is when the true colors of people will be exposed. Unfortunately, these painful lessons learned contribute to my logic of – the older I get, the less peopley I am. My trust (or friend) circle becomes smaller and I choose quality over quantity. I don’t have time for the bullshit, the drama and for those that don’t show the same decency, loyalty and kindness I have showed them. In my world it’s a two-way street with me and if you aren’t operating on my level (friend or family), you can get the fuck out.

Obviously, the “wrong” would have had to be severe enough for me to get to this point, which brings me to some very unsettling and damaging examples that have occurred over the past years. This year in particular, which through very cruel life lessons, I learned that those that were close to me showed their true colors served with a knife in my back. This past year should have been filled with friends and family supporting me with all of the positive things happening, but unfortunately it was filled with betrayal, anguish, turmoil and self-doubt.

Below are a few ghosting lessons worth mentioning…more for my healing process than writing an entertaining story. So if this sounds like complaining, I’m not. It’s therapeutic for me to write…and so I am. #CrabbyAF

Lesson #1 – Ghosting during a crisis (the act of disappearing during extremely tough or worst times of your life).

  • After my breakup of a long term relationship. This felt like more of a divorce based on the length of the relationship, selling our home, and losing friends who chose sides.
  • After leaving companies or jobs.
    • I saw these people every day, day in and day out and once my time ended at that job, many promised to “stay in touch”. HA. #go.step.on.legos
  • My sister’s horrific motorcycle accident
    • My most trying time to date. Just when you need people the most, they drop the ball and kick you while you are down. Still no words exchanged to this day. #ihopeyoudiealone

Lesson #2 – Ghosting upon hearing big, exciting news! (The art of faking your happiness towards someone else and then disappearing altogether.)

  • Engagement
    • After hearing about my engagement, your fake happiness for me was repulsive. Just stop. I misjudged your lack of enthusiasm and interest for your own hardships at the time. Your true colors left me with a knife in my back that I hope to someday repay the favor. #snakeinthegrass #vindictive
  • Wedding
    • My wedding party had included you. All of you. The permanent words said and the lack of words said (ghosting) cut very deep. You were supposed to be a part of my special day and to share in my happiness of one of the best days of my life. The anxiety and hurt from this was a hard lesson to swallow. #stillrecovering
    • Attending my wedding. As immediate family members, you’d think that acknowledging, much less attending, my wedding would be of the utmost importance to you, as it was and would be for me to show the same respect during your time. However, the concept of “family” is hard for you to comprehend and your inability to show decency for your own blood relative is beyond me. You can all suffer in each other’s company. I’m out. #zerofucksleft

Lesson #3 – Ghosting from my life (the classic dick move of casting aside your bond, friendship and family loyalty.)

  • Before moving to MN.
    • Particularly family in this case. When you live in the same city, but you were too caught up in your own life to be a present family member. Your selfish acts rooted a deep wedge between us that has not budged over the years. These same acts have caused an adverse impact on our family and your family. For this I say, “You made your bed, now lie in it”.
  • After moving to MN.
    • Many friends and family swore to keep in touch, visit, and call. Few did. I guess this was a good way to rid myself of selfish assholes that only need you when they need something. #outofsightoutofmind
  • After they start dating someone.
    • Now that they have someone in their life, they have zero time for you – even though you were present during their singledom over the years. Convenient friendship isn’t my jam. When you are single again and you reach out to your old friends, I hope you are shunned and left feeling alone in the world. #eyeforaneye
  • After choosing both sides.
    • When you are caught in the middle of someone else’s conflict and you choose both sides and do your best to comfort all. Then both parties end up turning on you and therefore are left without an entire side of your family. <hands clapping> You deserve each other. I dodged a bullet. #companylovesmisery


If you are feeling guilty of any of these – fuck you, I’ve moved on. You’re dead to me.